Well, another month has gone by and things are still running relatively smoothly. I’ve now had my payment break authorised for July, so I can finally get my car sorted out once and for all. However, during this last week the exhaust has started blowing! so I have had to contact my case manager again to ask if I am able to keep the 50% of overtime that I usually pay across each month, and include it as part of the payment break so that I can get the exhaust done at the same time as the head gasket!……I really am at my wits end with that damn car!!…

Obviously I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about how I will fund the cost of the repairs, but at the same time I do feel a bit guilty about ‘missing’ a payment. I’m not quite sure why - it’s probably just me being a bit over sensitive….but even when I was in the bank cancelling the standing order I sort of felt like I was doing something wrong, and in effect putting my IVA into arrears……I mean I know at the end of the day payment breaks are there for a reason, and in this case I have no other alternative, so I suppose I’ll just have to tell myself to stop being so daft and just get on with it!..

Anyway, that was an ordeal in itself ( cancelling the standing order ) Something that should be quite simple to do and only take a matter of minutes ended up stressing me out big time! I had headed into the bank armed with the details about which standing order I wanted to cancel, and quite simply put forward my request - to which the lady behind the counter replied in a very loud voice “what exactly is this standing order for?”

Well, I just completely froze!…there was no way that I was going to say what it was for when for one they don’t even know that I’m in an IVA ( well, I presume they don’t! ) and secondly there was a queue full of people right behind me!….anyway, she asked me again, so I just said the first thing that came into my head and told her that it was for a personal loan. I thought please for god’s sake don’t ask me who the loan is with or anything!….anyway, she didn’t, but did proceed to ask me if they could perhaps find me a better deal on my personal loan - or try and find me a mortgage - or try and get me a cheaper home insurance policy!!!

I just wanted to get out of there!! and then when I asked for some sort of confirmation to show that the standing order had actually been cancelled I was told “sorry, but there is nothing we can give you to show the cancellation”!!!….so a little bewildered I once again politely asked for a copy of the cancellation purely for my own records……anyway, after a minute of huffing and puffing the lady miraculously managed to print me something off!…..why is nothing ever straightforward??…

In fact my ordeal at the bank brought back all the anxious memories of this time last year when I had just applied for the IVA and had gone in to open a new bank account ( Prepare yourself for a rant here! ) I had bravely ventured in there a complete and utter nervous wreck, and then just to make matters worse unfortunately ended up being dealt with by a lady who had a voice like a foghorn!! She had lead me to a desk that was in full earshot of the rest of the bank, and when I informed her that I would like to open a ‘basic’ bank account my simple trip to the bank suddenly turned into what felt like an interrogation by the Spanish Inquisition!!…

Why did I only want a basic bank account??…why did I not want a current account complete with cheque book, debit card and overdraft??….why was I closing my bank account with Natwest??…why did I not have any savings??…why did I not have a mortgage at my age??…and why did I not want to apply for one of their credit cards, or even apply for a loan to consolidate my enormous amount of debt??………I honestly just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I felt like a common criminal…..and the second I had signed on that dotted line ( yes I did get my basic bank account eventually!! ) I was out of there like a shot! It truly was awful, and an experience I never hope to have to endure ever again!!…

The only thing is - now I have to go back in there to reset the standing order! Oh well never mind - at least this time I’ll be well prepared. Maybe it’s time I signed up for online banking eh!!..

Anyway, enough of my moans and groans! Like I said earlier, things appear to be running fairly smoothly at the moment. I received my annual review paperwork through the post last week, and to be honest it’s not half as bad as I thought it was going to be. I don’t know why but I was expecting a great big envelope full of lots of forms to fill in….but I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be just one income and expenditure sheet and that was it!..

I’ve more or less filled it in now, and have compiled my ‘explanation for variances in income and expenditure’ so am just awaiting my payslip for June then I can send everything back. At the moment the total surplus left over is coming in at slightly less than my current level of repayment, so I’m not quite sure what happens there. I did however read something in amongst my IVA documents that payments can be reduced by up to 15% without the need for a variation, so I’ll just have to see what they say. I am trying my very best not to worry about it……but unfortunately there is this slight unnerving feeling that tends to linger around inside of me and won’t go away!……I’m sure everything will be okay though….

On the work front OH is absolutely loving being self employed, and we’re both still amazed at how much his business has developed in such a short space of time. Thanks to the start up grant he got from the enterprise trust scheme he now has a fully equipped van, and has already built up an impressive portfolio of regular clients. The feedback he has been getting about his standard of work is fantastic - which in turn gives him a real buzz….and it really is nice to see him so happy. He has worked so incredibly hard over these last few months, and I know I’ve said it before, but I really am proud of him….and he is without doubt living proof that with a bit of enthusiasm and determination you can turn your dreams and ambitions into reality…….even in the middle of a recession

Anyway, at least now I can safely say that the redundancy was in hindsight probably a good thing….and although at the time it felt like the end of the world, it has definitely worked out for the best. He certainly doesn’t miss being stuck in a factory 5 days a week - not to mention the erratic shift pattern he used to do - which was one week of nights, then one week of days, and then back to nights and so on…..and although he enjoyed the job itself, now that he is ‘The boss’ so to speak, he says that there is just no comparison…

I must admit that when he initially uttered the words ’self employed’ I was pretty apprehensive about the idea - mainly out of fear. Unfortunately I am a born worrier and all I could think about was “what if it doesn’t work out and then we can’t pay the mortgage”……but I eventually came round to the idea - especially when I saw how determined he was, and I have to say I really enjoyed watching it all come together. I even enjoyed helping him compile his business plan - which was actually really interesting!…

He is also currently looking into obtaining a further grant - which will enable him to add to and extend his services!….so all in all things are going really well in that department…

I on the other hand have recently had my second holiday of the year from work….and as we had had a bit of a heatwave the previous week I was all set for a 10 day stint of relaxing in the glorious sunshine……..but unfortunately the weather had other ideas!..

OH had even kept an afternoon free so that we could head off to the beach. We set off kitted out with suncream, deckchairs and picnic, only to arrive at our destination, get out of the car and then get straight back in again. It was freezing!!….although it was quite nice when we set off, and we just presumed that it would be even nicer when we got there…..but we were completely wrong, and ended up eating our picnic in the car before setting off home…I wasn’t amused!!!..

I had a lovely day out towards the end of the week though, and this time the weather was beautiful. Me and a friend went to Haworth for the day ( a lovely little village in West Yorkshire ) we used to go a lot when we were kids, so we always have a trip there a couple of times a year. However we spent most of the time discussing baby names - as her next little bundle of joy is due in November…………and I thought I was indesicive

…………and then at long last we managed to have a BBQ!! yipeeee! I really was starting to doubt that we wouldn’t manage to have one at all this year - because everytime we do arrange to have one it flippin well rains!!! Anyway that was what we did on Father’s day. We all piled round to my mum and dads for the afternoon and had a lovely feast complete with one or two drinkies

Anyway, it looks like the weather is finally starting to pick up again, and I have even this week managed to squeeze in a couple of days sunbathing….

We’ve also got a busy old time coming up ahead of us - not to mention expensive! I really was hoping to get to the ‘Thrifty Friends’ meeting, but it’s looking like I won’t be able to get there after all. My dear OH is a bit of a Boxing fanatic, and unfortunately there is a big fight on the same night of the do ( i.e the fight of the year which I couldn’t possibly expect him to miss! ) and so that would mean me attending ‘other half-less’……..which is fine seeing as though we aren’t joined at the hip or anything but I’m just not sure I’m brave enough to go on my own…

……….and apart from that I’m not really confident enough to drive there by myself…..Ideally if we were both going OH would’ve driven ( as he always does ) and we would’ve just travelled there and back in the same evening to save on the cost of staying over….but I’m not familiar with the area and would probably end up somewhere other than the venue! ( I do keep saying that we should invest in a Sat Nav! )

I really did want to try and get to this one as I so want to meet everyone who I’ve got to know over the last 12 months…..but never mind - I’m sure we’ll get to one eventually!….

We’ve also been invited to an engagement party in July - but along with 3 birthdays there’s OH’s road tax to pay for, so I’m just not sure if we’ll be able to afford to go - plus we would have to account for an engagement present aswell. It would be nice if we could go though, as I can’t remember the last time we had a proper night out together - just the 2 of us……and although we don’t do so bad for family ‘get togethers’ I do sometimes wish that we could just set off out for the evening without worrying about how much it’s going to cost!…

Anyway, we’ll just have to see what happens. I’m just hoping and praying that they don’t find anything else wrong with my car whilst it’s in the garage…..and then of course it’ll be time to start saving up for the good old Tax and MOT which are both due in october!….

Oh well, I think that’s it for the time being. Will update soon on the outcome of my review ( and my poor little car! ) and I hope that everyone who is attending the Thrifty Friends do has a fantastic time Take care all xxx

…….since I made that very first phonecall to The IVA Advice Bureau!…and I really cannot believe that twelve whole months have passed since that very monday afternoon where I sat on the bed with the phone in my hand shaking like a leaf!….but I can very safely say that all of that initial worry, anxiety and embarrassment was most definitely worth it…

I still feel really proud of myself for mustering up the courage to finally get my debt mess under control, and that very day will be one that I will never ever forget. I can remember we had arranged a surprise 60th birthday party for my mum on the saturday, and I had volunteered to sort out the cake. By that stage I already knew that I had ‘come to the end of the road’ so to speak, as I had no actual cash…and out of all of my many credit cards I had just one with about £25 credit left on it. I had headed down to Asda to get one of those photo cakes done (as it was all I could afford!) and after buying the cake plus a couple of other bits and bobs - that was it….I didn’t have a single penny to my name - just thousands of pounds worth of debt that would have taken me about 70 years to pay back!!

I can quite clearly remember getting back into my car and just feeling extremely sick and guilty…..guilty because i’d had to pay for my mum’s special birthday cake with a credit card that I knew I couldn’t keep up the repayments on….and sick because I knew that I just couldn’t carry on with the daily battle of juggling my debts anymore. So, it was at that point I decided that I would do my best to enjoy the party, but that when it came to monday I would without fail make that phonecall and get some help…

……and I kept to my word. I hadn’t actually joined the forum at that point - although I had been reading other peoples’ posts and blogs, and generally just weighing everything up. So armed with what little knowledge I had about IVA’s etc I dialled that phone number and well……….the rest is history!!..

So, here I am twelve months on and no longer drowning in debt! As I mentioned in my last entry my first yearly review is coming up, and if i’m honest i’m getting a little more nervous as the weeks go by. I actually sat down and did a ‘mock’ income and expenditure sheet last week, just to see how everything will work out….but I think i’m going to need quite a bit of help with it as I have no idea how OH’s income will be worked out…and on top of that there will also be new ‘expenses’ which will have to be added in relating to the business - such as tax and national insurance - plus additional costs for things such as products and maintenance etc….

I’m also not sure how my income will be worked out this time either, as in the last twelve months I’ve had an annual cost of living rise - plus our annual agenda for change increment….and on top of that I also recieve enhancements for working weekends/evenings and sleepover shifts….but as I send my wage slips in monthly along with any extra payments, at least my IP has been able to keep track of any increases with my pay, so hopefully there won’t be any nasty surprises!…

I have also spoken to my IVA case manager this week about taking a payment break to get my car sorted out. I’m really angry that i’m having to do this, but we haven’t had any response from our good old friend at the garage with regards to repairing the dodgy engine that they have put in my car….and after weighing everything up it’s just going to be more convenient ( plus less stressfull ) for us to get someone we trust to repair the car rather than go down the road of forking out for court fees, plus ending up with no car for possibly months on end again, and worst of all having to face that idiot againl!!….and even though it’s me who is having to foot the bill, like our case worker at Tradings Standards has said - for what it is worth we are better in the long run just getting a competent and trustworthy mechanic to repair the car, and then accepting it as an unfortunate loss….

I am still so bloomin mad though!….but if i’m honest I really haven’t got the energy to go through another 4 month battle. So I will reluctantly take the payment break, get the car fixed and then put it all behind me once and for all. Quite a few people have said we should go on their website and write a nice little note on the ‘leave a comment’ section. But I really don’t want to get into all that - however I do make a point of advising people to stay well away from that garage!….and at least I won’t need to add a ‘car wars part 3′ entry to my blog either which will leave me free to talk about more important things other than some waste of space garage owner!!

Anyway, I see that the nice weather didn’t last very long! We were supposed to be having a barbecue at the weekend for my mum’s birthday - but the rain well and truly put a stop to that!…we still had a great time though - Just a nice little family get together complete with a huge chocolate birthday cake which this year I had very proudly purchased with my own hard earned cash as opposed to an ‘up to it’s limit’ credit card !!!….now that was a very nice feeling if I may say so! We really did have a lovely evening, however I probably had one glass of wine too many, and so didn’t feel too clever the following day! I don’t tend to drink that much these days, so having that extra glass or two really doesn’t do me any favours!….

We also had some unexpected visitors the following day as well………….Ants!!! They very kindly came to visit us last year, but we managed to trace the nest and filled in the hole where they were appearing from - which seemed to solve the problem….but they were clearly not too happy about that and have now come back with a vengeance!…anyway, after spraying them with insect killer and then spraying practically the whole house they haven’t re-appeared as of yet! As a somewhat house proud clean freak I really cannot stand the thought of all those creepy crawlies in my house!!! Some of them had even crawled into the washing machine!….but then again I don’t suppose they are particularly fussy about where they go!…

I know when we first moved into this house I opened a kitchen cupboard one day to find that a kitchen roll had been chewed to bits. Well straightaway I realised that it must have been a mouse, and as OH was at work I rang my dad in hysterics to come round and look for it. I was all set to ring Environmental Health as I was mortified….but after some investigation my dad found a couple of holes in the stone at the back of the house where any creatures could have been getting in and out, so set about filling them in (thank god for my dad and his filling skills eh ) we also have fields and allotments right at the back of us, so I suppose it’s not unusual for fieldmice to try and get in somewhere where it’s nice and warm - just not in my house though thank you very much!!…

Anyway, we haven’t had anymore ‘mouse activity’ since then - thank goodness! I just hope the ants don’t keep re-appearing on a regular basis!…

We still haven’t managed to get access to the allotment right at the back of us - even after numerous phonecalls and letters to the council. It really is annoying because they haven’t allocated it to anybody else - even though there is a waiting list with plenty of people desperately wanting an allotment! It’s just a complete and utter overgrown mess at the moment, and it’s worse for us because it’s the first thing we see when we look down out of our kitchen window. We could have had our own garden by now, and you would think that the council would be thankful that there are people enthusiastic enough to want to get stuck in and make it look nice, but all they keep coming back with is “sorry, but we are not allocating that particular allotment at the moment”…

We even contacted our local councillor to see if he could shed any light on the matter - but that was a complete waste of time as well. Everyone keeps saying that we should just go in there and voluntarily take it over…but knowing our luck we would spend months tidying it up and making it look nice only for them to go and allocate it to someone else!…so, we’re a bit naffed off about that, as it would have been nice to have our own little garden…but never mind, it would probably end up being permanently waterlogged anyway with all this rain we’re getting!!…

But, it’s nearly june now! so with a bit of luck the weather might start to change again - fingers crossed!….and thank goodness it’s nearly pay day as well. We’ve had a pretty expensive time this month - what with 3 birthdays plus stepdaughter needed kitting out with her summer school uniform….but then again, as long as we’ve got petrol in the car and food in the fridge then i’m happy. In fact when I come to think of it we don’t really spend any money through the week anyway ( apart from the lottery! ) We tend to do our food shop on a monday and then that’s it for the rest of the week……..besides, there’s always the good old copper jar if we ever get desperate anyway, take care everyone and i’ll be back soon with another update. Bye for now! xxx

Well, after my nice little break from work i’m feeling very chilled out indeed!…and although i’m now actually back at work and ‘into the old routine’ I really am feeling pretty calm and content with life at the moment…

So, what’s happened since I last blogged?…well, as mentioned in my previous entry I was due to meet up with a ‘long lost’ friend from school, and what a brilliant time we had! We went out for some lunch and we simply didn’t stop nattering and laughing the whole time. I had gone armed with my bag full of photos from when we were younger, and she arrived with a couple of old diaries from when we were 15/16, and it really was lovely to reminisce about what an exciting life we used to have!!…

Anyway, it was a fab afternoon and we’ve arranged to meet up again in a couple of weeks - so i’m really looking forward to our next little catching up session! I’ve also just recieved some wonderful news as my goddaughter’s mum has just announced that she is pregnant again for the second time - which i’m absolutely thrilled to bits about - and i’m so looking forward to becoming an auntie again!!…

But, as i’m often reminded I can only be an auntie for so long!…and I am forever being asked “are you not thinking of having any yet??” to which I usually reply “well - not just yet, but maybe in the next couple of years”!!…although OH and I have actually been talking about it quite a lot just lately…and we’ve decided that once stepdaughter has done her exams and got settled into college we will seriously think about adding to our family! Obviously i’m a bit concerned about the IVA, as I still have another 4 and a bit years to go…but then again it may not need to affect my IVA repayments at all, and i’m also aware from reading posts on the forum that it is possible to take a payment break if necessary - so I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it…

I’ve actually found it quite strange talking about ‘babies’ as if it really is going to happen one day. Because as i’ve mentioned before I never ever thought I would have the opportunity to have any children due to the debt situation - and on top of that OH has always been slightly ‘apprehensive’ about having any more children because of what he went through with his own daughter…Understandably it affected him quite badly, and although everything has worked out well in the end, I think that the bad experience he had made him feel almost ’scared’ of taking on anymore responsibility…

Not that he thinks for one minute that if we have children together I would ever put him through what his ex-wife did!…but what he did actually go through left him very hurt and angry - and although i’ve always known that I do want children, at the same time I have always totally understood how everything he went through contributed to his ‘apprehension’ about having anymore children - basically because I saw for myself just how much it affected him over the years when he wasn’t seeing his daughter…

But he has always reassured me that given time he would no doubt feel differently, and that my happiness - along with stepdaughter’s is the most important thing in the world to him. And they do say that time is a healer - which in this case appears to be right, and to now actually hear him saying that he is excited about us having a baby together, is for me a really lovely thing…

And I can’t leave my poor mother ‘grandchild-less’ for much longer!…I know she can’t wait to be a grandma, and as my sister hasn’t got round to having any yet either, I sort of feel like I should be ‘getting on with it’…but, what will be will be, and only time will tell - so all I can say is ‘watch this space’

Anyway, back to my little break from work! I really did have a wonderfully relaxing time…and although I kept myself busy doing jobs around the house and generally just pottering about, I have to say that the one thing I love most about being off work is having the freedom to be able to get up at whatever time I choose!…and although I don’t actually have ‘lie-ins’ as such anymore, it’s nice to be able to just wake up naturally (without the alarm clock!) and know that you have the whole day ahead of you to do whatever you please…

I love nothing more than coming downstairs, making myself a nice cup of coffee in my little cafetiere thingy and then sitting back in bed for an hour to watch Homes under the Hammer!…now that is what I call chilling out. No waiting for the bathroom, and then having to rush round to get ready. Just leisurely preparing myself for the day whilst making most of the peace and quiet……….lovely!…

The weather was also really nice whilst I was off too - which was a bonus! and as it was OH’s birthday at the weekend we decided to make the most of the glorious sunshine and tottled off to St.Anne’s for the day. We walked right down the beach - which seemed to go on for miles and miles. The sun was absolutely blazing down, and for a few hours it actually felt like we were abroad - well it’s nice to pretend isn’t it!…we all had ice cream followed by fish and chips, and it was just a perfect day all round!…

So, our bit of contingency money came in very handy indeed…and once OH had had his pressie opening ceremony we put some petrol in the car and just set off on our travels!. It felt great, because pre - IVA we wouldn’t have had the money to just set off for the day like that, and it’s having little treats like that which make me appreciate how lucky I am to be out of that mess once and for all…

Anyway, the day got even better as we ended up having an unexpected ‘get together’ with our next door neighbours - who up to now we haven’t really got to know all that well. (we have a large back yard but it’s shared with two other properties). So, as it was still lovely and sunny on return from our little trip we decided to go and sit out the back and just chill out with a couple of drinks…and before we knew it couple number one came out and decided to join us, later followed by couple number two!…well, we ended up sitting out till midnight! I even missed Coronation Street and Hell’s Kitchen - shock Horror but it was worth it because we had a brilliant time!…

You see that is another sort of little achievement for me - and to some people it might sound silly….but when I was living through the whole ‘debt thing’ I became really withdrawn and lost an awful lot of confidence….I also became very self concsious and would feel anxious about meeting new people. I now realise that all of that was a part of the depression that I was living with at the time…but now that everything is stable in my life I feel so much better in myself, and it really is nice to finally have back the level of confidence I had when I was younger - which in turn means that I no longer have palpitations at the thought of having to socialise with people who I don’t really know all that well!…

I also can’t believe that my first yearly IVA review is nearly due…where have all those months gone??…I have to say i’m a little nervous about the review, because now that OH is self employed it’s all going to have to be re-calculated - and I have no idea how it’s all going to work out…but as long as I can continue to make my repayments at a manageable level then i’ll be happy. I suppose because up to now everything has been sailing along pretty smoothly, I just don’t want anything to unravel my IVA ’security blanket’ - if that makes sense!…but i’m sure everything will be okay…

I also recieved some back pay from work this month as well which will come in very handy - even after i’ve paid the 50% across to the IVA. We’ve got a few ‘expensive’ months coming up what with birthdays, anniversaries and Father’s Day etc, so every extra penny will be welcomed with open arms! We also got our electricity bill through the other day (which we don’t have on direct debit at the moment) and I nearly passed out when it said we only owed £43.87!!!…

Straightaway I thought it must have been wrong as it was estimated, but we checked the meter and although it was a little bit out, there was no significant difference…anyway, it transpired that we had been awarded £25 credit for being with the same supplier for 12 months (which we’d completely forgotten about!) and we had also been given a ‘prompt payment discount’!! We are also in credit with the gas as well, so everything is straight and up to date!…a far cry away from the days of having to pay the gas and electricity bills by credit card!!…

Anyway - last but by no means least my car….dare I mention it??….well, we informed Trading Standards that we still haven’t had any response from our friend at the garage, and the lady who is dealing with our case absolutely couldn’t believe it when we told her that the car is already showing signs that the Head Gasket is on it’s way out again!…anyway, as before we just have to follow procedure and write him a letter informing him that the car still isn’t right and could he please contact us to let us know if he is prepared to get it sorted out!!…

In hindsight I do actually wish that we had taken him to court, because now it’s just becoming very boring and extremely frustrating!!…and i’m even starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to come on here and vent my frustrations and also prattle on about how relieved we were because “it was all finally sorted out”…..cause now look where we are - back to square one - so maybe i’ve gone and jinxed myself!!. Anyhow, it’ll all get sorted out one way or another…

Well, I’ll be back soon with another update….and I hope everyone is well….take care all xx…

Well, it’s been a whole month since I last updated my blog - but not through choice though! We’ve had a catalogue of technical problems and i’ve only just today been able to come on here and rescue my poor blog!!….I can’t tell you how much i’ve missed being able to come and have my dose of ‘virtual moaning’… but we’re all back to normal now - thank goodness!!…although I have actually been wracking my brains trying to remember what we all did with our time before we had a computer!!..

Anyway - here come my moans and groans!…It all started with the printer deciding that it was going to chew up the paper whenever we went to print anything. And upon closer inspection we realised that it was well and truly beyond repair!…but thankfully as it was only 6 months old, and we still had the box and receipt, we were able to promptly take it back to Tesco and were told that we would recieve a new one within 7 days - problem solved…..or so we thought!..

We’ve recently had some new software put into the computer, and at first everything seemed fine and well - until one day I came on to update my blog but couldn’t get on to the internet…and before long there were ‘error’ signs popping up all over the place. So, we immediately got the computer wizard round (i.e good old dad!) to have a look at it - but even he was baffled!…So to my horror we had to call someone out to look at it!!..

Now i say to my horror because I am the administrator for the computer, and I was panicking like mad thinking that this computer technician would be able to get into anything he wanted and maybe somewhere along the line see the word ‘IVA’ in amongst my e-mails or browsing history. Now, I know that that sounds really stupid considering I post and blog about my personal life on a public debt forum (albeit anonomously of course!) but this guy who came out to look at the computer turned out to be someone who was in my year at school and he recognised me!!!…and although he wasn’t actually one of my friends or someone who knows me well, I just went into a mad panic thinking “what if he sees ‘IVA.CO.UK’ in amongst the browsing history, and then reads my blog or something”….and then to make matters worse he said he would need to take the computer away to do a full system restore, and would need my password to get into the administrator account!!!…I know it does sound silly - but i just felt like my whole IVA secret was about to be exposed!…

In hindsight I probably was overreacting a bit - well a lot actually - and my OH bless him did his absolute best to try and put my mind at rest. He said “listen - this guy is a professional computer technician, and there is no way he’s going to be taking the computer away thinking to himself “Oh i know i’ll just have a quick nosey at their personal e-mail’s and internet history whilst i’m fixing the computer”….I mean I knew that he was right, but it didn’t stop me from worrying!!..

Anyway, it turned out that the computer had 30+ viruses, and so the quickest and easiest way to sort it out was to do this full system restore - plus install a more advanced anti-virus programme - or something like that…i’m no computer wizz so it’s all foreign to me…but he got it sorted out and so we finally got our computer back - yipeee!!…However - this service obviously didn’t come free, and so the unexpected bill had to be paid for with money out of the already sparce contingency pot. But - needs must, and these days the computer is a necessity for all of us - especially OH as he was just in the process of setting up the website for his business…And of course stepdaughter needs it for her homework - and most importantly MSN!!..

Anyway, as soon as it was all rigged up again I wasted no time in getting logged onto the internet. I’d also just got into doing some on-line surveys before everything went haywire, so I was keen to get back up and running with that as well as coming on here. Now then, as we don’t have a landline we use one of those dongle things - for which I pay £10 per month and we get so many megabytes - or whatever it is. Anyway, we never use anywhere near the full allowance of megabyte thingies, so when I went into the dongle homepage to check the balance I got a very nasty shock indeed and couldn’t believe my eyes when it said we had used X amount of megabyte’s outside of the allowance and had run up an extra £43.00 on top of the £10.00 monthly fee!!!!..

I was absolutely gobsmacked and so immediately rang the dongle provider to see if there had been some mistake….but they assured me that there hadn’t been any mistake, and that there had basically just been more usage of the internet than usual. So, that’s my lesson learned!!…and from now on I will just have to be extra vigilent and keep a close track of how much allowance we are using up on a weekly basis…I mean we have all been using the computer a lot more than usual - but because we’d used up all the allowance within the space of 2 weeks, anything we were using after that was being charged at something ridiculous like 50p per megabyte!…so even though the computer has been up and running, we haven’t been able to use the internet until the new allowance was activated - which has been very inconvenient!!..

I’ve been having to use my mobile phone just to post on the forum (which isn’t exactly ideal) and doing my blog has obviously been an impossibility!…but anyway, i’ve now increased the allowance to £15 per month just to be on the safe side - as I certainly can’t afford regular monthly internet bills for £55!..

And then just to top everything all off, stepdaughter’s TV in her bedroom decided to pack up!! Now that is a major crisis in itself…the thought of a miserable teenager having withdrawal symptoms from My name is Earl (or whatever it’s called!) and Desperate Housewives was just far too much to bear…so we gave her our portable until we came up with a solution, as we certainly didn’t have a spare £100 to spend on a new TV. But after a long hard think I came up with a brainwave and rang my mum and dad to see if they by any chance had a spare portable telly in the loft - which they did!!…and it was even better that the one that had conked out…so they saved the day - yet again. I really don’t know what we would do without them!..

So, our month of technical troubles has finally come to an end. However, I can barely even bring myself to mention my car. It’s not running right and keeps intermittently overheating - so we are just at our wits end with it all. I mean we’ve only had it back a couple of months and already there’s something clearly not right. We did eventually recieve a letter from Trading Standards to say that they had written to our friend at the garage (after he had totally ignored our request for the information needed for the DVLA) and to give him another few weeks to respond - but he hasn’t…and to be honest the thought of having to contact him again to inform him that the car still isn’t right is not a thought that either of us are relishing…because even if he does agree to us taking the car back to be fixed AGAIN, it will probably mean me being without transport for god knows how long - AGAIN, and then having to endure his sheer and utter nastiness on top of that just fills me with dread. I know that it needs to be sorted out asap, but it’s just one of those irritating problems that you try to put off dealing with!..

Anyway, it hasn’t all been doom and gloom…OH’s little business venture is progressing nicely, and just before the school’s broke up for easter stepdaughter came home and announced that she has been appointed as deputy head girl. She’s absolutely chuffed to bits - as are we - and she’s actually looking forward to going back to school just so she can show off her prefect badges!… now that’s enthusiasm for you!..

We had a fab time on mother’s day. I recieved some lovely cards from OH and stepdaughter - and although I had previously told OH not to buy me anything (as I still had the flowers from my birthday, and i’m trying ever so hard not to eat as much chocolate) they took no notice at all and bought me a huge box of chocolates (which were absolutely delicious - and yes they’re all gone!)…and i’d even said to OH as a joke that if they were going to buy me something, to get me something practical - like a black machine dye for my faded black clothes - or something that would be of some use. So I was rather amused when whilst sat in the restaurant where we’d all gone out for lunch, they presented me with a little gift bag which contained a black machine dye!!…so they did listen to me after all - bless em…

We also had a nice surprise when OH won £100 on the Grand National just from a £1 bet (which couldn’t have come at a better time!)…and then when I went to the bank to get a statement I noticed that British Gas had very kindly reduced the direct debit payment by £10 per month!…but of course that was short lived as it was subsequently followed by the Council Tax bill - which has increased by £3 per month, and also the water rates bill - which has increased by £2 per month….so I suppose it’s a case of ‘in one hand and out of the other’ !!..but hey, i’m not complaining!..

I have also been reunited with a friend who I haven’t seen for about 6 years. We were best friends all throughout high school and our teenage years, but as the saying goes ‘life gets in the way’ and we gradually lost contact. That was until a few weeks ago however! when one particular day I got a phonecall from my mum who had been stood in the middle of Marks and Spencer’s and was suddenly confronted by my long lost friend!..

She was absolutely overjoyed to see my mum, and went on to tell her all about how she had been trying desperately to track me down, and had spent months checking facebook and friends reunited to see if I was on there. (neither of which I go on!) and so anyway took my phone number. I have to say that I was thrilled to bits to hear from her, and to say we haven’t been in contact for all those years, within the first minute of being on the phone to each other it was just like we’d never been apart!..

It’s funny as well because when we were younger we loved going out - and pubbing and clubbing was what we lived for. So when she said that these days she’d rather stay in with a bottle of wine and a pizza (which is just like me!) I couldn’t believe how similar we still are - just in a more grown up way…and to be honest we sounded like a couple of old grannies, as it transpires that for both of us ‘a night on the town’ nowadays consists of a few drinks in a quiet little pub - home by 11pm - and then straight into the old pyjamas!!…how times change eh!..

I also commented on how typical it was that out of all the shops there are, she should bump into my mum in Marks and Spencer…I say this because when I met her on our very first day at secondary school I was initially highly unamused to have been seated next to this very ’square looking swotty type girl’….but when I noticed that we had the same pencil case we soon got chatting, and it turned out that we had quite a few things in common - which included both being fans of Rick Astley (okay you have permission to laugh!) and the fact that both our mums’ favourite shop was Marks and Sparks!!…that sounds really quite sad!…but it cemented our friendship and we soon became inseperable - and in those days the only thing we had to worry about was what colour to dye our hair!!..

Anyway, we’re meeting up for lunch next week, and i’ve already been up in the loft at my mums digging out lots of old photo’s - so i’m really looking forward to that. I’ve worked pretty much all over Easter (which doesn’t bother me because it’s extra pay!) but i’ve got 12 days off after tomorrow, so i’m also looking forward to my little break and having some nice days out. I just hope the weather decides to be kind and stay nice!..

I’m also hoping to get lots of walking done - which will be an absolute must after i’ve eaten my Easter Eggs! I did say that I didn’t want any Easter Eggs - but once again nobody took any notice of me and I have ended up with 3 eggs!…how I am ever supposed to lose weight I do not know!..

I decided to do something a bit different this year with regards to Easter pressies, and bought some goose eggs from the allotments at the back of us. I then got some cheap little baskets, decorated the eggs with some nice ribbon and then surrounded them with mini chocolate eggs…they looked really nice - and were just a cheaper alternative to buying Easter Eggs…obviously we got stepdaughter one, and as OH had been very good and given up chocolate for lent (40 days and nights without chocolate - not something I could do I have to admit!) it was only fair that I treated him to the biggest egg I could find - and good old Home Bargain came to the rescue as they were selling giant Easter Eggs for £5.50 each!…so all in all a very frugal Easter was achieved!…

Well, I think i’m all blogged out for today…it’s lovely to be back, and I hope everyone has had a lovely Easter. I’ll be back with another update soon - as long as we don’t have anymore technical problems that is!….Take care….

Well - here i am again….sat at the computer and ready to drift off into my world of blogging!…and it’s the beginning of yet another week…where does the time go eh??…i can’t believe that we’re halfway through march already!…when i was young somebody once said to me as you get older the time will start to go more quickly - well, they were right!…no sooner is one week over than another is beginning…

Thank goodness that spring is on it’s way though!..i can’t wait for the warmer weather and lighter nights to greet us…don’t get me wrong, i love autumn and winter and christmas and all that…but it’s so nice to be able to peg the washing out!..and i think that when the weather is nice it makes you feel better in general…

I will also be glad to be finally packing away the de-humidifier..and of course it’s getting to that time of year where we don’t need the heating on as much - so the dreaded bills won’t be as big as usual. I love getting up early when the weather is nice…and i find nothing nicer than just sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee whilst looking out of the window and taking in the beautiful views…(and making the most of the peace and quiet whilst stepdaughter is at school!!)…

In my last blog entry i talked (or rambled more like!) about how i spend a lot of time just sitting and thinking about past events as it helps me to try and accept that what’s done is done and progressively move myself away from the blame and guilt that is still lingering around inside me…and i am realising more and more that because time does fly by so incredibly quickly i should throw myself into making the most of every little opportunity that comes my way, and even moreso now that my finances are under control and i literally have the freedom to do whatever i desire…

Isn’t it funny how something you read or watch on TV can make you sit up and think about things, and also make you realise just how lucky you are. I watched the wedding of Jade Goody on saturday night, and i basically couldn’t stop crying…i’m a very emotional person as it is, but to watch a young woman who knows that she is soon no longer to be a part of this world stand up and tell her family and friends that she loves them so much and that she doesn’t want to leave them is just heartbreaking..

I really really admire the strength and bravery of that girl, and although i have seen first hand how terrifying it can be to have to battle such a cruel illness, i can’t personally for one minute imagine what it must feel like to know that you have no control whatsoever over what is happening to you..and that really did strike a chord with me because it made me realise that now i have the IVA i do have control over what is happening in my life at the moment, and i really am determined to work on putting the past to rest and enjoying making plans for the future….because at the end of the day none of us know how long we are here for, and so it’s absolutely vital that we appreciate every little bit of good that we have in our lives..

When i was in debt i’d more or less accepted that that’s how my life was going to be forever, and i although i desperately wanted to make plans for the future, i didn’t feel like i was ‘allowed’ to - or even dared to - because as i’ve mentioned before, i never ever thought i would get out of that mess and have the opportunity - or affordability - to be able to even think about doing anything with my life..

But i can!..and that is the reality….but even now - sometimes that realisation still doesn’t seem ‘real’….or that what i want to achieve in life is in fact possible. Maybe that’s because i’d previously spent so long telling myself that i would never be able to experience the normal things in life like getting married or having children of my own….but now when i tell myself that i can (because i am finally in a position both emotionally and financially to be able to think about putting those plans into practice at some point in the future) i get this nice warm feeling inside…and that is a feeling that for a long time i wasn’t able to experience…

The other day i took one of the chaps who i look after to the pictures to see that new film ‘Marley and Me’…and what a lovely film it is….a bit sad towards the end - you will need plenty of tissues if you go to see it!…but yeah, i really enjoyed it. The couple who are the main characters in the film reminded me of me and OH a bit - just with the way they were..i.e no matter what challenges they came up against in their life - they remained totally united and devoted to each other..and then as they got older and added to their family their love for each other just grew and grew…see, i told you i was emotional….and yes - i cried at the end….but i wasn’t the only one..and when the lights came on at the end we both looked around only to see several little old ladies sniffling into their tissues!!…

And it was funny because the woman in the film lead her life by having these ’set goals’ in numerical order from 1 to 7 that she wanted to achieve…and she basically had them written down on a piece of paper in the exact order in which she wanted everything to happen - and eventually they did all happen and she had achieved every goal on her list….now that is so like me!..i am a typical organised, routine driven, ‘list’ sort of person (i have a list for practically everything!)…and although for a long time i have had a vague ‘mental vision’ of my ‘life plan’ i have never been in a position to put the majority of it into practice - but now i can!…and even spending an afternoon encapsulated in a soppy old film (that really is about a dog!) has made me think well yeah - actually anything is possible if you put your mind to it and just be patient…anyway, it’s a really good film…one that i wouldn’t mind watching again in fact…

So, there are my feelings for today!!..nothing much exciting has happened since i last blogged - however, i didn’t know whether to laugh or cry the other day…friday the 13th to be exact! I had spent the morning on the forum posting on several threads including the ‘friday the 13th’ one talking about how superstitious i am, and how as soon as i see a magpie on it’s own i am there saluting like some mad woman!!..

Anyway, in the afternoon i decided to nip into town…and on the way home the car started making a funny sort of loud clicking noise. I was a bit wary because a few days earlier the engine management light had come on, but OH had said that hopefully it was just the sensor and that it would go off eventually - which it did….anyway, i got home and OH came out and had a look…i didn’t even dare get out of the car - i just didn’t want to look in case it was anything bad…but i can tell straightaway that when OH has a certain look on his face that something isn’t quite right!..

I did eventually get out of the car and just stood there staring at the water in the header tank which was bubbling away like a cauldron!…and then OH pointed out that there was no water passing through the pipe from the header tank to the radiator…he told me to get back in the car and start the engine, and then put the fans on full to see if there was any warm air coming out….so, as instructed i got back in the car and put the fans on full and waited and waited…..but no warm air…..i said “please for god’s sake don’t tell me that the head gasket has gone already”…anyway OH then came and sat in the car himself and said “you haven’t even got the temperature control on warm - no wonder there’s only cold air coming out”!!!..so, after we’d had a little giggle about me being so dizzy he had a good look round the engine and it turned out that the pipe where the water wasn’t flowing through properly had a bit of a kink in it…and so he managed to get it circulating again - thank god - panic over!!..

We’re still actually waiting to hear something from Trading Standards as we have to inform the DVLA that the car has had a new engine put in, but for some reason our friend at the garage was unable to give us the information we needed when we got the car back…i.e crucial information such as the mileage of the engine and also the cylinder capacity!!!!…so, we were informed to try writing to him to request the information, but as we expected there has been no response…so Trading Standards are now writing to him to explain that this information is necessary for the DVLA and can he please forward it to us asap!!…..why does he have to be such an awkward plonker!!…it really does wind me up!…

So, once OH had sorted the car out i called round to my mums as she’s currently in the process of putting some things on e-bay for me (i don’t have the time or patience for e-bay…it seems to take ages just to get everything listed!!)….anyway, when i arrived my mum was literally having kittens - as my 68 year old dad was up on the roof cleaning all the guttering out….she was stood there saying “i’ve told him to get down - it’s friday the 13th for god’s sake and he’s up there balancing on a b****y roof”…oh it was funny…i was just waiting for a magpie to fly past - that really would’ve put the icing on the cake!!..i don’t know, what are we like eh!!..

OH is due to attend his last business format workshop this week where he will be presenting his business plan…and then once he’s got the grant it will be all systems go!….it’s been a really exciting time in that department, and i am amazed at his confidence and utter determination. Well - everyone is to be honest….we’re all so proud of him for having the drive and ambition to go it alone and start up his own business from scratch…so lots to look forward to there!…

Am also just waiting for a new charger for my phone as the one i had decided to pack in!..my mobile phone is one thing that i just cannot live without..cause it’s not just a phone it’s also my mini computer..i use it for my diary, e-mails and also posting on here when i can’t get on the computer!! I’ve been having to use an old ‘emergency’ phone for the last few days, and when i tried to go onto the internet it took about 10 minutes just to load one page!!..so i gave up to that, and will be glad once my new charger arrives..

Well, i think i’ll leave it there for today…as always i’ve enjoyed doing my blog, and i’m continuing to enjoy reading the updates on everyone else’s blogs - plus there are lots of new ones too which are fab!…and i know it’s been said before but it really is comforting to read about other people’s experiences of being in debt, and how they have all overcome their individual obstacles in life…and reading other people’s blogs still continues to remind me that i am not the only one who fell by the wayside, and that with the support of each other we will all get there in the end…Take care…

Well, there we have it - i am officially another year older! I honestly cannot believe that a whole year has passed, and i also can’t believe just how different things are from this time last year. I do try my best not to dwell on things but at the same time i do like to reflect on events that have happened in the past as it helps me to come to terms with how or why certain things turned out like they did..and it’s also nice to be able to compare my life now with how it was when i was in such a dark and desperate place…

I actually spend quite alot of time just sitting and thinking about things..and i suppose that trying to understand why certain things did in fact happen - and also how i actually dealt with them, is all part of the ‘rehabilitation’..which slowly but surely helps me to move away from the painful memories of being in debt..

I often wonder if the reason why i found being in debt so debilitating is because i was dealing with it by myself…okay, so they were my debts and it was my choice not to tell anyone about them..but as i previously mentioned - that was all to do with the shame and embarrassment that i felt - and also the ‘not wanting people to worry about me’ side of it..and when i’m having these ’sitting and thinking’ episodes i still find it hard to believe that i really did carry around and deal with all of that worry and stress on my own for all of those years - not to mention the crippling emotions that i kept to myself aswell…but i did…and although at the time i actually felt incredibly weak and worthless, i must have found some inner strength from somewhere, because i battled my way through it and have come out the other side with a huge amount of confidence and enthusiasm..

I can honestly say that i do believe everything happens for a reason - maybe i’m just superstitious? i don’t know…i also believe that facing certain challenges in life helps you to become a much stronger person..and although i would never ever want to experience being in such horrendous debt again, i really do believe that the challenge i was faced with and then overcame has made me somewhat resilient.

I often think back to when i was in the darkest of places and i would say to myself “if i can somehow get myself out of this mess and get my life back to normal i will never ever be scared or worried about anything ever again”..and now i am in that position where my life is back to normal (or as normal as it can be!) and i do come across a situation where i feel apprehensive or worried, i just remind myself of those few little words i used to say, and then suddenly things don’t seem anywhere near as bad as they appear to be…because i really do think that to find the strength and determination to survive something so horrendous that eats into your every waking minute is an incredible achievement - and more and more i am able to recognise the courage and bravery that it takes to come through something like that…

wow! - where did all that come from?…i don’t know - my blog entry for today was supposed to be an update on what i have done in the last week!…but i suppose it’s because i’ve been doing a lot of reflecting just lately, and i’ve ended up going right off track and as usual straight into waffling mode!! I thought maybe i was getting past the ‘getting everything off my chest stage’ but obviously there is still a bit more to get out yet!…

Anyway…..regarding my birthday!…i really must say that this year’s occasion was so very very different to previous ones - and for the first time in years i was actually able to enjoy my day without having to worry about being in debt. I can recall my birthday last year as if it were yesterday, and can quite clearly remember that one of the first things i did when i got up was phone Capital One to do a balance transfer!….i know - not the nicest thing to have to do on your birthday! and what’s even worse is that i can remember when i was going through the identification process (obviously i had to give my date of birth) and the person who was dealing with me realised what date it was and actually went on to wish me a happy birthday - how sad is that - being wished happy birthday by a credit card company!!! I can also remember opening my cards and feeling relieved to have been given some money…which as usual would just end up being paid straight into the bank and then used to help to make my debt repayments! I had also recieved a birthday card from Littlewoods catalogue!..i don’t know which is worse - that or the person at Capital One wishing me happy birthday!!..

I can even remember sitting in the restaurant where we had gone out for lunch and feeling relieved because i had successfully managed to bide myself a bit more time by doing the balance transfer…but at the same time the sickening feelings of guilt and worry were still there hanging over my head. OH had got me some concert tickets as a birthday present, and although i was thrilled to bits i knew that there was no way he could have afforded them as our financial situation at that point was still in a complete mess. I later went on to find out that he’d actually had to borrow the money off his dad to pay for the tickets, which made me feel absolutely dreadful..

However - this year it couldn’t have been more different! I didn’t spend my morning on the phone to a credit card company making a blinded last ditch attempt to stop myself from drowning in debt, or feeling relieved because i had been given some money which i would be able to use to pay good old Goldfish or Capital one! No - this year it was absolutely lovely….i happily spent my morning getting myself ready for a girlie day out with my mum and big sis, during which time there was a knock at the front door and i was presented with a gorgeous boquet of flowers from OH and stepdaughter..

And the day just got better and better..i recieved some lovely cards and gifts, and what made it even more special was the fact that in amongst my pile of cards was my blog award voucher!..and as strange as it may sound, that was for me, a huge realisation of how far i have actually come in the last 12 months…because instead of spending my birthday feeling guilty and ashamed of the terrible mess that i was in, i was now actually being rewarded for finding the courage to talk about that ‘terrible mess’ and how i’d managed to get myself out of it..and i have to say that when i placed that little card on the window bottom with all of my other birthday cards, i felt so very, very proud indeed (although i did have to cover up the bit that said iva.co.uk just in case anyone came round and decided to have a nosey at my birthday cards!!)…

Which leads me on to say thank you ever so much Moretolife and Admin for my blog award! I really hadn’t expected to be awarded anything again - and to be called a hero as well - well, that just made me feel incredibly proud and special - so thank you once again…it really did make my day..

So, what did we do? well..we went shopping!!..and there was little old me - armed with my M&S vouchers - some Next vouchers that i’d got for christmas but hadn’t quite got round to spending..and i even had a little bit of money - which for the first time in years wasn’t going to be used to put towards my debt repayments! I can’t tell you what a lovely feeling that was…i felt so excited that i was going to be able to go out and treat myself..and it wasn’t the same sort of excitement i used to get when i was young and having one of my mad spending sprees courtesy of the plastic! No - this excitement came from knowing that what i had in my purse was mine - and that whatever i bought was going to be paid for there and then without owing anything to anyone..

Anyway, i had a fantastic day! We went to a lovely little italian place for lunch, and then we headed for the shops where i bought myself a lovely top from Next and a few little bits from my fave shop Primark! I couldn’t find the top i wanted in M&S, so instead of just buying something else for the sake of it i decided to save my vouchers for another time - which i have to say was a very satisfying feeling indeed. Once of a day i would’ve just bought something for the sake of it..and i never ever used to try things on..i would literally see something i fancied, pick it up and then just go off and pay for it..and i’m also ashamed to say that half the time i didn’t even look at the price tag!..

I honestly can’t believe that i used to buy things in such an irresponsible way..but thank goodness i have seen the light - and it really is so much nicer to just treat yourself every now and again as opposed to going shopping every week and just buying things because you feel like it! I almost can’t explain how good it feels to know that things are being paid for upfront rather than adding more and more debt to an ever increasing credit card balance and then having to worry about how you are going to pay it back…

When i think of the money i’ve wasted over the years, and the amount of times i bought things then never wore them it’s just ridiculous. But i somehow always managed to justify what i had done by taking the items to a charity shop and thinking ‘well at least somebody less fortunate than me will be able to wear these things’…but in reality it was me who was the unfortunate one - cause at the end of the day it was me who had bought the damn things using a credit card that still had an enormous outstanding balance!!…

I also for some strange reason used to get a buzz out of taking things back as well?? For example, i would’ve done my usual trick of buying something for the sake of it - but then after the initial buzz of proudly walking out of the shop with yet another carrier bag on my arm, i would then start to feel guilty because i had paid for it with a credit or sore card - and i knew deep down that really i shouldn’t have bought it! So then anyway - usually a few days later my ‘impulse buy item’ would either become one of the many garments that was destined for the charity shop, or i would actually make the effort to return it to the shop and get a refund..which is when i would get a buzz for seeing the money being credited back on to the credit card???..strange or what??..

It really is quite amazing what being in debt can do to you..and this is often where i find myself drifting off and thinking about how it used to be and also how the effect of debt can make you behave totally out of character..and when i say behave out of character for me personally i became someone who had no choice but to keep secrets from the people who were closest to me (in particular my OH) and basically be dishonest…and i mean things like - whenever anyone gave me money for my birthday or christmas and then at a later date asked me if i’d bought anything nice with the money - i would literally have to make something up and say “oh yes i’ve just a bought a nice new outfit with it”….but i hadn’t at all!…it had gone straight into the bank and was winging it’s way to one of the many credit card companies i was heavily indebted to…or i would have used it to buy my road tax or pay the electricity bill!..

This is one of the things that i find hard to come to terms with, and it really does fill me with remorse when i think of all the occasions when i’ve had no choice but to make up excuses or indeed be dishonest…and probably one of the worst times was when i won the money in the NHS prize draw. That was absolutely terrible because it was well before i’d told my parents or OH about the debts - and of course everyone was absolutely ecstatic and saying things like “ooh you could go on a nice holiday or put it towards a new car” and yet the only thing i could do was put a great big false smile on my face and say “well i haven’t quite decided what i’m going to do with the money yet, so for the time being i will just be putting it into a savings account or saving it for christmas”..

When i think back to that - it really is just awful…okay, so now i’m dwelling!…but i mean how many times in your life are you likely to win an amount of money like that? - i’m lucky these days if i get a tenner on the lottery! but it was made worse by the fact that such a huge fuss was made - i had to have my photograph taken and everything, so everybody knew about it…and although it was initially a very nice feeling to have actually won something i knew straightaway that i would be using the money to pay off my overdraft…which would soon be run back up again anyway!..

And as i said earlier - i really do try my best not to dwell on things - but at the same time i think it’s only natural for me to feel angry with myself…because at the end of the day if i hadn’t have been in so much debt we could have used the money to have a nice holiday or something…and i do at times still feel incredibly guilty for letting OH think that i was putting the money into a savings account when in fact it was gone within the space of a week!…but along with everything else all of that is now out in the open - and it never even gets mentioned…and i suppose it’s just one of the many things that i will have to work on coming to terms with - along with reminding myself that it was just an unfortunate part of the desperate situation i was trapped in at the time…and that these feelings of guilt and regret that crop up now and again are all just a normal part of the healing process - which i am sure in time will be replaced with the feelings of pride and achievement that i have already come to recognise and accept…

So, the new year arrived - and we had been told by Trading Standards to give the garage until the middle of january to respond..and that if we hadn’t heard anything by then, they themselves would contact the garage owner to inform him that they would be instructing us on how to proceed with taking him to a small claims court..

Obviously we didn’t hear anything - and so Trading Standards contacted him to explain that as we had sufficient evidence to support our claims and that it was his mechanic who had clearly been negligent when carrying out the repairs on the car, we would be pursuing with our action of resolving the matter in court!!..

Oh what a letter from Trading Standards can do!! within 2 days we recieved a phonecall from the plonker himself - who was a completely different person and couldn’t apologise enough for all the stress and inconvenience that had been caused - and went on to inform us that he would send someone over the very next day to collect the car for repair!! This was something else that he had previously refused to do, as he said that ‘he didn’t have the time, money or equipment to come and collect cars from people’s houses’..funny how now that he was being threatened with court action he was suddenly able to do it!…

Anyway, we were just so relieved as it finally looked as though we wouldn’t need to go to court after all - and when i rang my mum and dad to tell them they just couldn’t believe it, as they too had convinced themselves that it was going to end up becoming one very long and drawn out battle! but our relief was to be pretty much short lived!…Someone did come to collect the car, but not the next day - 4 days later in fact..and what a pantomime that was!! I was actually at work when they came to collect the car, but OH was giving me a running commentary by phone as it was happening!..

He said that they pushed the car backwards along the street, into the middle of the main road and then attached a piece of rusty old chain to it before driving off without saying anything. He was absolutely fuming - and it was worse for me because i was stuck at work - and was having all sorts of visions of them damaging the car even more before they even got it to the garage!…anyway OH got straight on the phone to Trading standards to tell them what had happened so that it could be documented - and we had also previously taken lots of pictures of the car just in case it re-appeared full of bumps and scratches!..

So, that was that..the car had gone and so now the ball was in their court - and all we could do was wait. Then a couple of days later we recieved a phonecall from our friend at the garage who told us that basically the engine was goosed (which we sort of already knew!) and that it would in fact need a new or re-conditioned engine putting in (which we sort of already knew as well!) and then we couldn’t believe our ears when he went on to imply that it was actually OUR fault for attempting to start the car when the engine was frozen!!!..to which OH replied “do you normally lift the bonnet of your car everytime to you go out to start it to check whether the engine is frozen or not??”..needless to say he didn’t have an answer for that one! but did go on to say that it wouldn’t be ‘cost effective’ for his business if he were to pay to have a new engine put in the car - which could end up costing him up to £800…

So, we asked him to contact Trading Standards himself to inform them of his decision - and then we would as originally planned deal with it through the court. I couldn’t believe that we were back to square one again - and the lady at Trading Standards who was dealing with our case couldn’t believe how stupid and unreasonable he was being - but at the same time assured us that this would all go in our favour as he would just be seen to be running his business in a totally unprofessional manner..

So - as requested he rang Trading Standards to inform them that he couldn’t afford to pay for the cost of the repairs and that he now considered the damage to be our fault because it was us who tried to start the car when the engine was frozen! So, the lady went on to inform him that if he was insistent on not accepting responsibility for the damage to the car, he would have to pay for an independent mechanic (recommended by Trading Standards themselves) to strip down the engine, asses the damage and try to establish if he had in fact sold us a faulty car in the first place - and whatever the mechanic stated in his report would be used in court. Well - this must have hit a nerve because after hearing this he very quickly changed his mind and stroppily told the lady at Trading Standards that ‘he didn’t have time for all that messing about with independent mechanics coming and doing investigations and so would just have to pay to have a new engine put in’…

Yeah - right..more like he knew that he didn’t have a leg to stand on and that he would have ended up having to pay out big time!! So, that was that - after nearly four months of messing us about he was finally going to sort out the problem once and for all - and he did. If he’d have just got on with it in the first place instead of being clever and stubborn we wouldn’t have had to go through all of that..but at least we now know that if anything else goes wrong with the engine everything is documented with Trading Standards - and i’m just so relieved to finally have my little car back - although now i’m driving myself mad by listening out for every single little noise that it makes!!..

But i’ll tell you something though - if it wasn’t necessary for me to have a car then i would quite happily do without, as they are far more trouble than they are worth - and i wouldn’t wish what has happened to us on anyone..but hey, that’s life - and i suppose that it’s gaining little victories like this and having the IVA that help in making me a much stronger and more confident person…

A few lessons that i have learnt from all of this too are that i will never buy a car from a garage that is miles away from my home - and i will never again be fooled by a website that describes themselves as a company who ‘pride themselves in achieving customer satisfaction at each step of the car buying process - and that the services are not limited to the point at which the purchase is complete, as they offer an after care service which is second to none’..that is absolute rubbish and they seriously need to work on their customer service skills!..

I will also make sure that i listen to any advice that i am given before i dive in with both feet when purchasing a second hand car - and most importantly, if the car salesman turns out to be a typical, smooth talking medallion man (which he was!) i will literally run a mile !!..So, that’s my rant over with and i feel a whole lot better for letting it all out! Thank goodness for blogging eh!..and thank you for taking the time to read it…

Well, i’ve actually got some good news!! I mentioned in one of my previous entries that along with OH being made redundant before christmas, another hiccup which we endured involved my new car. Well…four months on from the start of our troubles, and after being without a car for nearly all of that time, i am now at long last mobile again!! yipeee! and although we’ve had a bit of a battle on our hands, we most certainly weren’t prepared to be beaten and did everything we possibly could to fight for our rights!..

I haven’t blogged about this up until now because i wanted to make sure that everything was sorted out once and for all before i set about having a right good old rant - and now that our ‘problems’ appear to have at long last been resolved, i can focus my attention on letting out all the anger and frustration that has literally been doing my head in!..and i apologise for yet another long winded explanation of events, but writing about things in detail really does help me an awful lot. Okay - so in other words i’m just a complete and utter natterbox!! but nevertheless - i’ll stop rambling on now and concentrate on having a good old moan!..

Now before i get going i’d just like to say that i am the sort of person who…how can i say it?… sometimes struggles to cope with any sort of conflict or ill feeling..but as i have learnt over the years, there are times when you just have to be strong and stand your ground..which is what we did and it paid off because in the end we won our battle! which, if i may say is a very satisfying feeling indeed!..and even moreso because this whole carry on has absolutely driven me round the bend (excuse the pun!) So, what exactly happened?..

Well, it all started last october (just 2 months after my iva had been approved) when my existing car went for the MOT..and to cut a long story short it needed quite a lot of work doing to it, which basically would have ended up costing more than the car was worth - and as i didn’t have any spare cash to pay for the repairs anyway - i panicked!!..just when i’d finally got my debts sorted out and life seemed to be going okay for once, something just had to go wrong didn’t it! I was gutted..and the only solution i could come up with was to ring my IP and ask for a payment break and get the car repaired…but i so didn’t want to have to do that, and especially so soon into my IVA..but then somebody came to my rescue, and boy was i relieved!…

That someone was my mum! and unbeknown to me she had recently recieved some backpay from work and she had very kindly made the decision to share some of it with me and my sister..and as she was aware that my existing car was going to cost an absolute fortune to repair - and that i really needed a reliable car that was going to last me for the term of the IVA, she suggested that i used my share of the money to buy a newer one. Well, i was absolutely over the moon and very very grateful indeed! I immediately rang my IP to make sure that this was allowed, and as soon as i was given the go ahead, i got straight on the internet and began looking for a new car!…

Now then, i am well known for being unlucky when it comes to cars! whether they have been new or old, i always seem to end up with cars that are problematic..but not this time surely?? Anyway, it didn’t take me long to come across a car that i liked. Obviously it wasn’t a Merc or a BMW! just an updated version of the car that i already had. So, OH rang the garage to enquire about it and also got some directions. When he came off the phone he commented that the garage owner who he had spoken to sounded like a bit of a plonker! but i wasn’t bothered about that, i was so excited that i just wanted to go and look at the car!
So the very next day we all set off to this ‘well established-family owned’ garage (which was 30 miles away!) to have a look at it…

We took it for a test drive and OH had a good look round it, and i just thought it was fab! It was very clean and had 12 months MOT-plus 11 months road tax which was a bonus! So, we sealed the deal and off we went! I was so happy, and not just because i had a new car, but because for the first time since i was 17 years old i now had a car that hadn’t been bought with a loan or credit card. I felt so proud as it was all mine and i didn’t owe a single penny to anyone..it had been bought with sheer generosity and nothing else, and i was so very thankful…

Over the next couple of days i was on cloud nine and couldn’t stop looking out of the window at my little car! But then one morning i set off to go to work and it seemed to be taking ages for the warm air to come out of the heater..In fact it got to the point where there was nothing but cold air coming out!..OH had a look at it and said that it would probably be a fault with either the thermostat or the water pump. So, as the car had come with a 3 month warranty we rang the garage to tell them..We were told to take it back so they could have a look at it, but were told that we would have to leave it there for a couple of days whilst they found out what the problem was. Oh no i thought - why was this happening? and why did i insist on buying a car from a garage that was 30 miles away?..

They ended up having the car for nearly 3 weeks! We struggled like mad during this time, and when we enquired about the possibility of them lending us a courtesy car we were told in no uncertain terms…NO!!..
We weren’t kept regularly informed about what was happening to the car, and it was us who had to keep phoning them to find out what was going on. Anyway, we were eventually told that the car was repaired and that they had in fact replaced the thermostat, water pump AND the head gasket!!! I honestly couldn’t believe that we had bought a car that had a faulty head gasket!! This could only have happened to me, but never mind, it was all sorted and i was just thankful to be getting my car back…

So, we went to pick it up..only to be greeted by the garage owner who did nothing but moan and groan about how much it had cost him to get the car fixed, and when we asked for an invoice or statement to say exactly what work had been carried out on the car, he just said that he couldn’t give us anything as the mechanic had all the paperwork, and that it didn’t matter anyway because the car was still under warranty. In hindsight we should have insisited that he gave us a receipt of some sort, but to be honest i just wanted to get away from there as quickly as possible. So, off we went…again, although i couldn’t help but feel that it wouldn’t be the last time i was going to see this man!..

And i was right!..fast forward to just 2 weeks later when one particularly frosty morning i get in my car and start it up…….nothing! OH came out and popped the bonnet and all i heard was him saying “oh my god, i don’t believe it”. The whole engine was frozen solid, and it didn’t take us long to realise that there was no anti-freeze in the header tank. We immediately rang the RAC who came out to look at it and confirmed that the engine was indeed frozen, and that there was definitely no anti-freeze in the header tank. After explaining the situation regarding the previous work which had been carried out, he advised us to ring the garage where the repairs had been done as really it was their responsibility to sort the problem out. OH also rang a friend of his who is a mechanic and he told us that when a new water pump or head gasket have been fitted it is absolute standard practice for the mechanic to replace the anti-freeze, and that the mechanic had obviously just put neat water in and that was why the engine was frozen solid!!..

Well, i was inconsolable..we immediately phoned the garage owner to explain what had happened, only for him to say “So, your car engine is frozen - what do you want me to do about it? and for all i know you are probably making this up to abuse the 3 month warranty, it’s not my problem so sort it out yourself” he then put the phone down! I just couldn’t believe that this was really happening to us. Anyway, we very quickly realised that we were going to have a fight on our hands and were going to need some help! So, we contacted Trading Standards and explained our situation. We were informed that the first step in getting the garage to address the issue was to write to them and give them the opportunity to resolve the problem as quickly and as amicably as possible…

So, that was what we did..we were so angry, and we stated in the letter that due to the abrupt and unhelpful attitude that we had been presented with, we had been given no alternative but to seek independent advice..and as decent hard working people we were certainly NOT prepared to be accused of abusing or taking advantage of a warranty. We also went on to say that we couldn’t understand why they even bother issuing their vehicles with a warranty only to become angry and unreasonable when a fault is reported?..I was absolutely livid!! i mean we had been and bought this car with cash upfront in good faith from this ‘well established-family run garage’ and yet here we were being treated like it was us who were in the wrong…

We sent the letter by express recorded delivery, and guess who rang us the very next day? Yes-the garage owner himself - who once again was nothing but rude and nasty, and even went on to inform us that ‘he couldn’t give a stuff about the car, and we were more than welcome to report him to trading standards and take him to court as we didn’t have a leg to stand on’!! However, we weren’t prepared to lower ourselves to his level and start ranting and raving - and although i was ever so tempted to tell him not so politely what i thought of him and his appalling attitude, i just very calmly stated that we found their particular style of ‘after sales service’ to be totally unacceptable and that it indeed left alot to be desired!! He really must have thought that we weren’t going to do anything about it, but there was no way on earth we were going to be taken for a ride and let him get away with treating us like that…

So, we were informed by trading standards to write a second letter - and by which time the engine had thawed out, but the damage was already done, and the engine was basically capput!!..We called out the RAC again who confirmed that upon inspection of the previously frozen engine it appeared to be profoundly damaged and needed to be taken to a garage for investigation. And as well as seeking legal advice, we even obtained a report from OH’s mechanic friend - who actually clarified that it is without doubt standard practice for a qualified mechanic to replace the anti-freeze when work on an engine has been carried out…

So, 2 weeks went by and we still hadn’t recieved any response to the second letter, and so it was looking like taking him to court was inevitable. I was well and truly fed up with it all, and although during all of this OH was made redundant, it was probably in hindsight a godsend, as we really had been struggling with just the one car - as we had both needed to get to work as well as transporting stepdaughter to school..and we just weren’t prepared to fork out for a hire car in case we weren’t able to claim the money back…

It was just something that i really didn’t want to have to deal with, and although we would have only been taking the garage owner to a small claims court - i was terrified!..and it was made even worse by the fact that we were told that if we did take him to court and we won, he could still argue that he didn’t have the immediate funds to pay us back for the cost of the car plus any compensation, and so would be well within his rights to offer to pay us at £10 a month or something ridiculous!..

I just wanted my car back! and on top of trying to get everything sorted out for christmas, and worrying about OH and the job situation, i had the added stress of having to worry about this!..and although i suffered with the odd sleepless night i was determined that it wasn’t going to ruin our christmas, and i just kept reminding myself of how strong i had been with sorting out the IVA, and that if i could get through something like that, then i most certainly wasn’t going to let some jumped up car salesman get me down! So, i remained positive and focused my attentions on enjoying my first debt free christmas in over ten years..and kept my fingers crossed that the new year would bring us some good news..which it did…..eventually!!..

Well, the title of this particular entry says it all..because after years of beating myself up and feeling like i never had anything to look forward too, i can at long last see the road ahead, and i am now able to appreciate the normal everyday things in life that were once overshadowed by my debts…

So, why am i proud?..well, i am proud of the fact that i eventually found the strength and courage to face up to my debts and then go on to succeed in finding a solution..I am proud of my OH for being so supportive and understanding, and for doing such a fantastic job of keeping everything together when i was literally falling apart! But in particular i am extremely proud of the little girl who i took under my wing some 5 years ago..and although i initially found the task of becoming a ‘mum’ to someone else’s child pretty daunting, it has turned out to be an incredibly rewarding experience..and i have finally come to realise that i don’t need to try and take the place of her mum, and i also now know that it isn’t wrong for me to look upon her more as a special friend, especially whilst she’s growing up and starting to make her own way in the world…

I also feel proud to know that we have played a big part in helping an insecure little girl grow up into a polite, intelligent, well mannered young lady. I have honestly never come across someone who is so enthusiastic about going to school !! There isn’t a single week that goes by where she doesn’t arrive home with a letter or certificate for outstanding behaviour or full marks in an assignment. She is an absolute credit to us, and OH is one very proud dad indeed! I suppose it’s even more special for him, because he never for one minute imagined that things would turn out as thay have done…

But i always think that everything happens for a reason, and i am so glad that we were given the opportunity to guide her through her most important years. She only has a year and a half left at school, then she plans to go to college and then onto university as she wants to become a solicitor..Her mum has made the choice not to have any contact with her, which we all struggle to get our heads round, but she has now come to terms with it, and amazingly copes with it really well..She is a bright, happy and outgoing young girl who i love and admire so very much, and i will always be there for her no matter what…

The contentment that i feel comes from being in a loving and stable relationship..and although we have been through some very trying times together, i consider myself extremely lucky to have such a loving and caring partner. I am also content because we’re all in good health, and my mum is still in the clear 10 years on from her illness. I have a job that i absolutely love, and we have a lovely home..and now that my finances are under control i no longer wake up with an instant feeling of dread every morning..and i also don’t have an endless pile of mail to contend with each day either, which i have to say is a huge relief!..

So why am i excited for the future?..well, in just over 4 years i will be completely debt free!! I would love for OH and i to get married one day, and probably the biggest thing that i am excited about is the fact that i can now actually begin to think about one day having a child of my own. During my darkest days this was one of the things that ate away at me and caused me to physically ache inside. Because i had more or less resigned myself to the fact that i would be in debt for the rest of my life, i thought that i would never be able to afford to have children and experience the joy of being a mum. That was an incredibly difficult emotion to have to deal with..but thankfully i no longer have to suffer with those awful feelings, and just knowing that i now have the opportunity to pursue my dreams makes life worth living..and although i am still young, i have to admit that i do actually feel quite a lot older!! but i know deep down that i have my whole life ahead of me and i intend to make the most of every precious moment…

I also now know that financial problems don’t need to control or indeed ruin your life..and take that from someone who has had one very long and painful relationship with debt!! Because these days the most fantastic help and support is readily available to people who have come to find themselves in financial difficulty, and if i’d have known about iva’s and debt forums when i initially found myself in such a mess, i probably wouldn’t have let things go on for as long as i did…

Most days i actually forget that i’m in an iva, and that’s because i feel so comfortable with it. Okay, so we’re on a strict budget and some months are tighter than others, but in my eyes the iva saved my life, and my sanity, and i will be forever thankful for being given the chance to pay back some of my debts-allbeit a small proportion of what i actually owe. But i feel great when it gets round to pay day and i see that my payment has gone out..and then when i’m sending off any cheques for overtime i feel a great sense of pride and achievement. And yes my name is on a public register for all to see, and there are times when i worry and think ‘what if someone sees my name and then finds out that i’m in an iva’?? but i know that there’s not a lot i can do about it, and if someone does ever approach me, i’ll just have to hold my hands up and say “yeah-okay, i got into a mess with my finances, but i have done the right thing by sorting everything out properly and i am proud of myself for doing so”…

So i suppose what i’m trying to say is that going into an iva really isn’t anywhere near as scary as it may seem..and although i keep saying it, the best thing i ever did when i was struggling and feeling desperate was picking up that phone and asking for help..because, as i quickly found out, no matter how serious the situation, there is a solution. And in no time at all becoming a passenger on that road to debt freedom (which for a long time i only ever dreamed about!) can in fact become a reality..and once you are on that road you can finally start to get your life back on track..and one step at a time move closer and closer towards a happy, content and debt free future…

Well, it’s been quite a journey!!..but i’m still here to tell the tale..and can i just say that ‘telling my tale’ has indeed been one enormous help, and i am thoroughly grateful for the opportunity..i would also just like to say how honoured and delighted i was to recieve an award for my blog..i’m not used to winning things, and in fact the last time i did actually win something was when i scooped the £1000 prize in our NHS staff lottery!!!..and although it was very exciting, and for the whole of one day i felt like a millionaire, once i had treated us to a few goodies from tesco (not very exciting i know!) i had no alternative but to put the rest towards my monthly debt repayments!!..it was also quite embarrassing, as people kept asking me what i was going to buy with my winnings, but i just had to keep saying that i was ‘putting it away for christmas’!!…

So, i will savour every penny of my award..well, what’s left of it, as although i was told in no uncertain terms by my OH to spend the vouchers on me and me only (after i said i could perhaps save them and use them as birthday presents for other people!) i decided to use some of them to treat us both to a nice valentines meal. I have to admit that at first i was a bit reluctant about ‘blowing’ £20 on a bit of food just for one night, but you really did get quite a lot, including cava and a rose too!..so, the M&S meal deal was worth every penny. But i will definitely try and save the rest for myself, as my mum and sister have just informed me that they are taking me on a ‘girlie shopping and lunch’ outing for my birthday..and as i have spotted a nice little top from M&S in a magazine, i may just treat myself after all..So thank you once again…

I really could never have imagined how writing about something so big and destructive that i had kept to myself for so many years, could actually be so beneficial..and although i have talked to my parents and OH about how i struggled with my debts, i’ve never actually gone into detail about the emotions that i’ve experienced over the years both personally and financially..and although i was a little apprehensive about revisiting my past, and reliving the events which i have encountered, i really have found that doing this blog has not only been therapeutic, but also a very ‘cleansing’ and enjoyable experience…

So, what exacly have i learnt from all of this?..what exactly was it that caused me to get into so much debt?..well, there appears to be a whole catalogue of reasons which include naivety..inexperience..wanting everything there and then..buying things to try and make myself feel better..wanting our first ever home to be absolutely perfect..wanting my stepdaughter to have everything money could buy..and then ultimately being too scared, ashamed and proud to ask for help..and although i feel somewhat scarred by what has happened to me, and will probably never completely be rid of the guilt and shame that has lived inside of me for so long, i have to say that on a positive note, this whole experience has ultimately made me a much stronger and more confident person, and although i have only been in my iva for 7 months, i already feel like i have come an awful long way…

Now, i don’t know why but i have a really strong feeling that 2009 is going to be a great year for us..we had a couple of hiccups just before christmas including OH being made redundant, and then the other involving my new car (which i will blog about at a later date as it will require a full entry!!) but, we are now strong enough to take whatever life throws at us and will deal with things as they come along..I have to say that when OH was first made redundant we were both pretty scared as we have never ‘experienced’ redundancy before, and were quite worried about what was going to happen, and how we would manage if OH wasn’t able to get a new job straight away..but things weren’t half as bad as we’d imagined, and the fact that he came away with some redundancy pay did obviously help.. And also, in the run up to christmas we actually had a rare opportunity to spend some long overdue quality time together, which i have to say was absolutely lovely…

Another positive thing that came out of the redundancy, if that sounds right to say?? was that due to OH being in reciept of child benefit and jobseekers allowance, he was able to enquire about recieving a grant from the government ‘warm front’ scheme, which if you qualify, basically awards you with a grant to put towards the cost of making your house warmer.. Now i am no softie, and i can tolerate the cold, but our house was freezing..and i mean freezing!!..it’s an old cottagey type house that is open plan downstairs, and then all of the rooms upstairs have quite high ceilings..and with the boiler being fairly old it just wasn’t working as efficiently as it should have been. We would have the heating on all day and night, but it hardly made any difference..and we even had to apologise to people whenever they came round because of how cold it was..it really was unbearable…

We also got up one morning to find ice on the inside of the bedroom window!! and the level of condensation that we were experiencing was just horrendous..we were going through a full kitchen roll each morning just to wipe all the water off the windows..and even having the de-humidifier on for long periods of time didn’t help either, so to say it was a relief when they informed us that we were eligible for a new boiler is an understatement!! Anyway, within 6 weeks they came and fitted the new boiler and flushed out all the system..and when they switched the heating on for the first time the radiators were red hot within seconds..it was such a relief to finally have a nice warm home, and we are so grateful for having been awarded the grant, as we would never have been able to afford a new boiler ourselves, and really couldn’t have faced another winter in such freezing conditions. They also informed us that we had a slight gas leak, so even when the heating wasn’t on the meter was still going round!!..so hopefully we will see a big difference with our bills as well…

Anyway, with regards to OH and his job hunting, he initially applied to go on a microsoft engineering course..but the cost of the course was quite expensive, and he wasn’t able to get the funding for such a high amount. So, undeterred he decided to look into the possibility of becoming self employed, and is now currently attending a course of business format workshops..which upon completion of the course enables you to obtain a ’start up grant’.. So, who knows what the future holds?..I have to say though, i am very proud of him..he is so enthusiastic and determined, and i have every confidence that he will make a success of whatever he decides to do…

So, it really does look as though things are finally going in the right direction..we had a lovely christmas, with no stress or worries about how we were going to pay for presents, and although we stuck to a strict budget we both thoroughly enjoyed paying for everything with cash..and the relief of being able to go to bed on christmas eve with a clear conscience only added to the magic of everything..When i think back to previous christmas’s when i had no alternative but to use my credit cards to pay for presents and food, it makes me feel terrible.. And i can remember one christmas in particular when we invited the whole family round-which was 14 people including children!!..We insisted that we paid for everything, and completely went to town buying everything from individual table presents to personalised place cards..It must have cost an absolute fortune, and we even got stepdaughter some concert tickets just as a table present!!..it makes me cringe when i think about it, but i know for a fact that we most certainly won’t be having a christmas like that again!!…

I also think back to this time last year when OH had not long since taken on the mortgage and we were still struggling both emotionally and financially..and we didn’t have the best start to the year when i reversed into another car at the petrol station. We decided to settle it without getting the insurance companies involved, and i’m ashamed to say that i had to draw the money off 3 different credit cards to pay for all the repairs to both cars!!..But thankfully, after years of battling with both financial and personal struggles, i am now at a stage where i can say that i am proud, content, and excited for the future..I am also determined to make the most of every opportunity that comes my way, and make up for all those years i wasted struggling unnecessarily with my debts. So, it’s time to look ahead and move forward..because i truly believe that things CAN only get better!!…